Ode to a Friend

Rest gently, my sweet boy. You were a brave soul, Barney. You are greatly missed.

Last November we discovered an ominous growth in Barney's mouth. We had it removed and, sure enough, the biopsy (by a German testing company, if that matters) determined it was cancer, a particularly agressive canine type. So the clock started ticking. And the realization that he would not make that 14 hour journey back to the States with us again settled in. 

At that time I happened to be reading "Peony In Love" by Lisa See. In it the main character spends about 2/3 of the book as a ghost. Although this was not my first exposure to the beliefs of the Chinese regarding death, it was one of the most comprehensive. Many Chinese believe that there are 3 levels of afterlife that the soul must travel and basically the success of your journey is directly related to the actions of your surviviors after you pass on. Kinda frustrating, huh? Without their help you cannot continue to the next level. You may have seen stories or pictures of Chinese burning "money", "clothing" and "food" during memorial and funeral services. This is because they believe that the soul needs all of these things to live in the next life, as in the current one, but can only obtain these things through ancestor worship. (Lately there have been stories of people burning effigies of iPads and iPhones!)

Through the inattentiveness of Peony's parents (not due to their grief I might add), her funeral rites are not performed correctly and she is doomed to forever inhabit the wasteland of the first afterlife. Her description of the world in which she now lives is incredibly bleak and hopeless: her clothing is in tatters, she is starving and her loved ones don't seem to remember her at all. As she describes this miserable existence, numerous times she mentions the mongrel dogs also cursed to languish forever in the first realm, starving, mangy strays sleeping in the cold. Unloved, just like her.

There is never an explanation why the dogs are this way in this Chinese version of what happens after, but it stuck with me. If we live in China now, are we subjected to their beliefs regarding what comes next? We will not live here forever but if Barney passes away here, what happens to him when we leave? Will he become a mongrel stray, starving and freezing in the next life? I never had to worry about these things in Indiana. I could leave him "behind" if we were in Australia or Switzerland. I can't leave him behind in China!

The good news is that we shared 8 more months with him after the initial diagnosis. Sweet fuzzy face. And when the end came it was fast and without question that the time had come. It was a sad, but not an agonizing decision. For this I am grateful. I am also grateful that we will be able to have him cremated so when we do leave China he can come with us. Maybe he will be returned to his yard in Indianapolis. Maybe we will have to find another permanent solution. All that matters to me is he will not be left behind. 

Godspeed my friend. I hope you stay well-fed and warm on your next journey. You started out as a stray but you are well-loved in this life~

Does China have the Fourth of July?

The challenge of helping your children maintain a sense of their home culture's identity when you live in a foreign land was weighing especially heavily on my mind this year. With all that we had going on last week with school entrance exams it had escaped me that it is actually July already. So I was a bit unprepared for how to celebrate the 4th.

Last year you may remember we had a big party with our friends from the neighborhood but last year's holiday was a Monday, easy enough to celebrate on a Sunday, the day before. With the actual day falling on a Wednesday, it's very easy for it to get lost in the local shuffle. An American neighbor of ours is having a barbecue but all of the invited guests speak French so she apologized that she could not invite us as well as she thought we would be a bit uncomfortable. True. So with Heinz away in Australia for work and all of our other American friends away, the kids and I are on our own. 

I decided that at 5 1/2 Conrad is old enough to understand a bit about History so we pulled out a globe and talked a little bit about the story of American Independence. I think the best part about having kids is that when you have to revisit topics that you think you know and study them to understand how to present them to childrens' minds, it gives you a fresh perspective. At first I found my little history lesson leading us down the Pilgrim's path and I thought "Oh great! Some history teacher I am; my children will forever have Thanksgiving Day and Independence Day confused!" So instead I changed course and used the "Big Brother Bullying the Little Brother" angle, where Little Brother got tired of Big Brother always imposing more rules and taking more and more of Little Brother's allowance until Little Brother said "Enough! I want to be independent!" Like I said, I'm no History teacher! But I think they got the jist. We talked a bit about Britain, home of our friends Charlie, Henry and Miss Lisa, and with our recent celebration of the Queen's Jubilee, it all had a lot of unexpected layers. (The good news for everyone is that we are friends with Britain now!) I told them about the Pledge of Allegiance. I sang some songs for them. Vivienne liked America the Beautiful the best so we turned on the VPN and found some videos of patriotic songs on YouTube. As usual I teared up over the National Anthem.

We did a United States puzzle on the iPad and talked about how Old Glory has 13 stripes and 50 stars, and why. I drew some flags and we colored them.

While we were coloring them Conrad said "I wish I had a t-shirt with a Flag on it."
My first response was the simple truth: "It's pretty hard to find shirts with the American Flag on them in China." But then, my creative juices flowing, I got an idea. And my blue and red Sharpies. 

Instant flag t-shirt! (Who needs Old Navy?) So today we are all wearing our colors, even me!

Of course China has the 4th of July, as the old joke goes; every calendar does. But Americans are the only ones for whom it has such great importance. For us it is The Fourth, in capital letters. We haven't got any fun fireworks this year and will miss the beautiful show over the Indianapolis skyline, viewed from the comfort of our own backyard but we've learned some things and had some fun. How did you celebrate this year?

Happy Fourth to you all. Freedom, Independence, Love and Peace. We wish these for you all~